Confession: I don’t really want to be a stay at home mom.

17 Oct

A week and a day ago was Gia’s parent teacher conference. And something happened that always does- she was shocked to find out I work. It is something that never ceases to amaze me. And yet, I am the one that fosters this line of thinking.

Nearly four years ago, I left corporate America and went on the search for the perfect work/life balance. There were crazy jobs like this and this.  And then I found some better independent contractor gigs and around eighteen months ago, Danielle and I launched Sway.  Which is ever growing.  And frankly, more exciting (and more work) than I think either of us anticipated.  But that, is not the story.

The story is that since Gia was two and five months old, the world has thought that I am a stay at home mom.  And I like to keep up this charade.  I bust my tail to be available for every field trip, every volunteer opportunity, every possible moment that I can soak up with my kids- I want to be there.  All while working sixty hours a week.  All while RT travels at least two weeks of every month.

And here’s the crazy thing.  I don’t really want to stay at home.  I could.  Don’t get me wrong, our life would be different.  We wouldn’t do many of the things that we do, probably wouldn’t live where we live, but like most couples with corporate pasts and dual college degrees we have a certain luxury that would allow us to fashion our lifestyle where we live on one income.  But I don’t want to- and honestly, Ralph doesn’t really want me to either.

That said, I have an overwhelming guilt that makes me want to make the world think that I am a SAHM.  And yet, I would have to really adjust to the idea of Gia being a SAHM. Crazy.  I know.

And yet, I think that my inability to comfortably say that I want to work is caused by other moms.  My peers, friends, fellow women that are in it with me.  Why?  Why do we make each other feel guilty for following our dreams.  Whatever they may be?  If your dream is to be a kick ass SAHM that home  schools and gives your kid the best opportunity or a mom that climbs the corporate ladder or a mom that wants to create a new business.  I just don’t get it.  You want to be a SAHM.  Hats off to you! You want to work in Corporate America and break glass ceilings?  Go girl.  Create a new channel.  You rock woman.  All are a life that I have tried some more successfully than others and when each is done right and each contain something that I both envy and admire.  And other working moms, are constantly felt guilty for leaving our kids and freaking out when we can ‘t figure out how to juggle it all.  But why?

SAHM’s do you think I am a bad mom?  Well if you do, shame on you.  My kids are loved, fed, clothed and cherished.  They may not have me 24-7 but when we are together, it is quality time where I am a happier person because I feel fulfilled professionally   And WAHM’s or working moms do you thing SAHM”s are lazy?  I certainly don’t.  And yet, it seems that it is the constant battle.  SAHM pissed because a working mom has asked to help her out. Working mom is annoyed because of excessive posting on Facebook complaining about said SAH life.  And yet we are all in this together.  One day at a time, doing the best we can do.

So I said it today.  Sheepishly, but I said it.  I am a working mom.  I work from my house, but I work a lot.  I am overwhelmed and tired.  And you probably are too.  Oh, and the next time I run out of the field trip to get on my phone.  Please don’t judge.  I am probably negotiating a deal all while trying to make my kid think that I am staying home.

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6 Responses to “Confession: I don’t really want to be a stay at home mom.”

  1. Jessica October 17, 2012 at 11:39 pm #

    I love you for writing this. As a doctor it’s not hidden that I work. For me, I’m a better mom for what I do away from my kids and for the time I get to spend with them. It’s never easy but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    • bullandchina October 18, 2012 at 7:12 pm #

      Jessica, I totally agree. And I think that we should not be ashamed to be proud of using the education and skills that we (you especially!) worked so hard to achieve. Would love to get our kiddos together sometime in H town for a semi reunion. It would be fun!

  2. Tricia October 17, 2012 at 11:52 pm #

    I don’t judge, because I have been all of the above. Each is hard and rewarding in its own way.

    Also, I think Jill just realized that we actually work (speaking of…. we are on to our next venture!). She stayed home “sick” a few days ago on an especially busy day. She seemed really shocked that I didn’t just sit around watching TV all day!

    • bullandchina October 18, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

      HAHAHAH. I know what you mean. Our poor kids are going to have no idea. With two parents in sales/marketing who work from home all our kids think we do is go to events, concerts and football games. In suites no less. That first corporate 9 to 5 job is going to be a system shocker. I want to hear more about what you are doing!

  3. Amelia October 18, 2012 at 2:43 am #

    Love your post, Allison. I’m a WAHM too – with a very ambiguous job that no one seems to understand, including myself sometimes 😉 – and I’m amazed at how many people think I’m just getting facials and pedicures all day long because I don’t go to an official office!

    • bullandchina October 18, 2012 at 7:14 pm #

      Amelia- you are so right. And for the record, I can’t remember my last pedicure. Sad face.

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